Today I'm at my Grandmother's house waiting. Just waiting for people to call, waiting for my son to finish his long afternoon nap, waiting to be able to go home and get dinner on. Just waiting.
I'm in my Grandfather's study. When I first set up Making Do and Mending last year the 'Mending' referred to the fact that I lost both my Grandfathers last year in the space of just four weeks. As my Mum said later in the year, 2010 owed us a good one, because 2009 was just about people dying. So now I'm doing my waiting while sitting in the place where my Grandpop did his filng, typing, thinking and writing.
When my Grandmother is gone I know that this house will be gone too, but I am sitting here wishing that we could keep this room to visit whenever we liked. There is so much of my Grandpop here. Literally, he had so much filing! But also, it is just so amazing what he kept in here, and what he kept. I've just found a little magnet stuck to the side of his filing cabinet that gives his name and what it means. I have no idea who gave it to him but I know that he must have kept it because it meant something to him, like the little cartoon that someone drew him to thank him for monitoring a conference, or the pictures of the family, or his little address books and a neat drawer of his pocket diaries going back decades.
Last week I looked after my Grandmother for the day and I went to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy. Seeing my Grandmother's name on the prescription they asked me how my Grandfather was and I had to tell them that he passed away. The pharmacist said that he had always been coming in and that she was only commenting to another member of staff this week how they hadn't seen him in a long while. I was really taken aback. I knew that he regularly went to the high street, did all his shopping there at the same shops every week, but it had never occured to me that anyone else had noticed, or that he had spoken to people or made an impact on their lives. It made me smile, so like my Grandpop, and then miss him terribly.
My Mum says that people stay alive in our memories. I hope that I have stories to tell my son about Grandpop so that even if I can't sit in this room or touch any of these things any more I can still feel him close like I do today.
Thursday, 26 August 2010
Sunday, 1 August 2010
If you get lemons... or courgettes...
One of the things that I can't get my head around my life is that I don't have a garden. I would love a garden. I'd be out there everyday. I would open my back door and stand nursing a cup of coffee looking out at the world to start my day. I don't mind what is out there in the garden, a bit of lawn, a bit of dirt, a nice patio, slabs of concrete, I wouldn't care, I would just be out there enjoying a bit of the outdoors that is all my own.
I would have a chiminea, a small table and chairs so that I could sit out for longer during the year, not just in the summer.
But more than anything I would grow vegetables and herbs. I know that you might have worked out by now that I already do this, but I mean that I would really do this. I'd dig up the lawn if I had to in order to have an allotment space that matched my ambitions. I'd grow vast quantities of everything that I grow at the moment - rows of tomatoes, courgettes, potatoes (OK, I've kind of done that this year but mainly because last year's pots came back to haunt me!), onions, garlic - of all varieties and store them in cans, jars, the freezer, as jam, as chutney, to keep us in local tasty produce all year round...
But alas this is not meant to be. My balcony herb garden, with a few trays of lettuce, does give us mint tea, rosemary, thyme and taragon on a regular basis and our courgettes are coming on a treat but it isn't the same.
However, I've found a solution - the local farmers market. Today I bought broad beans (mine got eaten by black fly last year, so I didn't even try again this year), peas, marrow and courgettes (fabulous ones in yellow and green shaped like gourds, not just the common green ones we are growing) and came home to cook up a storm. Shelling peas and beans while the babe chewed on pods and threw around a few fresh peas and roasting courgettes for a local ratatouille made me feel the satisfaction I get when I'm cooking my own produce. And before you think 'yes, but what did this all cost', well I got around 500g of peas for just £3, fresh from a farm in Kent, marrow for 80p, five weird shaped courgettes for £1 and two bags of broad beans for just £2. Everything was fresh, local and in season so it was all going for a song.
Delicious food from not so far away for not so much, now that is a dream I can get on board with until my garden dream becomes a reality.
http://www.lfm.org.uk/
I would have a chiminea, a small table and chairs so that I could sit out for longer during the year, not just in the summer.
But more than anything I would grow vegetables and herbs. I know that you might have worked out by now that I already do this, but I mean that I would really do this. I'd dig up the lawn if I had to in order to have an allotment space that matched my ambitions. I'd grow vast quantities of everything that I grow at the moment - rows of tomatoes, courgettes, potatoes (OK, I've kind of done that this year but mainly because last year's pots came back to haunt me!), onions, garlic - of all varieties and store them in cans, jars, the freezer, as jam, as chutney, to keep us in local tasty produce all year round...
But alas this is not meant to be. My balcony herb garden, with a few trays of lettuce, does give us mint tea, rosemary, thyme and taragon on a regular basis and our courgettes are coming on a treat but it isn't the same.
However, I've found a solution - the local farmers market. Today I bought broad beans (mine got eaten by black fly last year, so I didn't even try again this year), peas, marrow and courgettes (fabulous ones in yellow and green shaped like gourds, not just the common green ones we are growing) and came home to cook up a storm. Shelling peas and beans while the babe chewed on pods and threw around a few fresh peas and roasting courgettes for a local ratatouille made me feel the satisfaction I get when I'm cooking my own produce. And before you think 'yes, but what did this all cost', well I got around 500g of peas for just £3, fresh from a farm in Kent, marrow for 80p, five weird shaped courgettes for £1 and two bags of broad beans for just £2. Everything was fresh, local and in season so it was all going for a song.
Delicious food from not so far away for not so much, now that is a dream I can get on board with until my garden dream becomes a reality.
http://www.lfm.org.uk/
Saturday, 31 July 2010
Working 9-5, or maybe not...
It is tough enough at the best of times to decide what you want to do in life. Whilst it is true that trying make decisions about your life at 16 when you are choosing A level subjects is hard, I'm not sure it really gets any easier the older that you get. These days I feel like there are so many things that I could be doing, and so many cool jobs around that trying to think about sensible things like career progression is tying myself down to only one option.
Looking at work through the lens of motherhood makes things even stranger. I don't think I could love my new job as a Mum much more, and I know that I am very lucky to feel that way about it. But it does also cast a shadow on my work life up to now and where that might go next.
Unhelpfully I seem to be surrounded by people (note: mainly childless people) referring to my maternity leave as a 'holiday'. My best friend calls it my 'baby holiday' and is constantly moaning that I'm off doing baby yoga, coffee mornings, nursery drop ins and afternoons in the park while she is at her desk. I've tried to gently explain that yes, it is fun doing all these things, but my new job has very crazy hours (24/7) compared to my last and there are a lot more baby sick/nappy/washing/random screaming incidents involved than any other job I've ever done. But for overall job satisfaction, motherhood gives me more than anything else ever has.
And so now I look at my job and wonder, do I want to go back? On the most basic level the idea of doing something so structured, 9-5, meetings, overtime, spreadsheets, more meetings, just seems a million miles away from how things are now. I imagine motherhood on those terms - turning up at my 'desk'/the cot at a certain time each morning, meetings to discuss just how much dribble one child can get all over their clothes, overtime needed in order to make a few more quick meals to freeze ahead - and it makes me laugh.
In addition to all of this there is an extra element which I realise is totally personal to me when thinking about what I want to do - I don't really like the job that I would go back to. I'm passionate about what I do, I work hard at it and it makes me proud to be part of the team that I work with, but deep down it doesn't suit me. I wish that it did, but in reality having some distance from it could be just the push I need in a different direction.
And so my thoughts turn to what direction that might be. Again I am filled with excitement at all the options out there, all the things I've thought about trying, all the jobs that I come into contact with every day I think 'I could do that', 'I'd love to do that', 'What a cool job' and my mind starts whirring with plans, thoughts, ideas.
But this time I know that it needs to be worth it. And I know that I might decide that no job is worth it. Time that I invest in work is time that I invest away from my child and I'm acutely aware that I no longer want to fritter my work life away, wasting time I could be spending at my new job, watching my little one grow up a little more everyday. But at the same time I want him to look at me and his Dad and see that we do good jobs, that we work hard, that we love what we do, and I feel a responsibility to set an example in a way that I never did before.
I keep coming back to the fact that I would like to do something creative, crafty, a little cottage industry that I could fit in around motherhood. I don't hanker for the office, for a space outside my home where I don't have to be a Mum, but I do want to have a little space for myself and something to call my own.
Looking at work through the lens of motherhood makes things even stranger. I don't think I could love my new job as a Mum much more, and I know that I am very lucky to feel that way about it. But it does also cast a shadow on my work life up to now and where that might go next.
Unhelpfully I seem to be surrounded by people (note: mainly childless people) referring to my maternity leave as a 'holiday'. My best friend calls it my 'baby holiday' and is constantly moaning that I'm off doing baby yoga, coffee mornings, nursery drop ins and afternoons in the park while she is at her desk. I've tried to gently explain that yes, it is fun doing all these things, but my new job has very crazy hours (24/7) compared to my last and there are a lot more baby sick/nappy/washing/random screaming incidents involved than any other job I've ever done. But for overall job satisfaction, motherhood gives me more than anything else ever has.
And so now I look at my job and wonder, do I want to go back? On the most basic level the idea of doing something so structured, 9-5, meetings, overtime, spreadsheets, more meetings, just seems a million miles away from how things are now. I imagine motherhood on those terms - turning up at my 'desk'/the cot at a certain time each morning, meetings to discuss just how much dribble one child can get all over their clothes, overtime needed in order to make a few more quick meals to freeze ahead - and it makes me laugh.
In addition to all of this there is an extra element which I realise is totally personal to me when thinking about what I want to do - I don't really like the job that I would go back to. I'm passionate about what I do, I work hard at it and it makes me proud to be part of the team that I work with, but deep down it doesn't suit me. I wish that it did, but in reality having some distance from it could be just the push I need in a different direction.
And so my thoughts turn to what direction that might be. Again I am filled with excitement at all the options out there, all the things I've thought about trying, all the jobs that I come into contact with every day I think 'I could do that', 'I'd love to do that', 'What a cool job' and my mind starts whirring with plans, thoughts, ideas.
But this time I know that it needs to be worth it. And I know that I might decide that no job is worth it. Time that I invest in work is time that I invest away from my child and I'm acutely aware that I no longer want to fritter my work life away, wasting time I could be spending at my new job, watching my little one grow up a little more everyday. But at the same time I want him to look at me and his Dad and see that we do good jobs, that we work hard, that we love what we do, and I feel a responsibility to set an example in a way that I never did before.
I keep coming back to the fact that I would like to do something creative, crafty, a little cottage industry that I could fit in around motherhood. I don't hanker for the office, for a space outside my home where I don't have to be a Mum, but I do want to have a little space for myself and something to call my own.
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Bliss Buggy Push 5km - done!
And so I've survived my first 5km since the babe arrived.
It was a lovely day out with the Buggyfit girls - we came, we saw, we conquered. We were also the only eight people running out of around 50 so arguably we also stuck out like sore thumbs! But it was fun to be out and about and all for a good cause.
Alas I did not put in my best performance. My usual trick for events such as these of turning up with plenty of time, paying no attention to the ever increasing sunshine, add in the fact I was paying no attention to my child and once we got off on the course it all went a bit wrong. But only a bit.
Having eaten a hearty breakfast as I left I then didn't snack, so half way round had to stuff down a banana and drink my water quickly. That was fine but then the little un decided he was hungry and grouchy and didn't want to be in his pushchair any more, not matter how fast the scenery was whizzing by. (Not that fast as it happens, I'm really not the fastest runner out there by any means.) So we walked for a little while, and then had to walk again at the end. So we ended with a little walk across the finish line, me holding the babe as we went under the barrier.
Afterwards there was time to picnic and savour our success. And our rewards - a top goodie bag was given out to all runners with loads of goodies in it, perfect for some snacks on the way home.
So first step done. Next step - well some more training I guess as the half marathon is drawing ever nearer...
It was a lovely day out with the Buggyfit girls - we came, we saw, we conquered. We were also the only eight people running out of around 50 so arguably we also stuck out like sore thumbs! But it was fun to be out and about and all for a good cause.
Alas I did not put in my best performance. My usual trick for events such as these of turning up with plenty of time, paying no attention to the ever increasing sunshine, add in the fact I was paying no attention to my child and once we got off on the course it all went a bit wrong. But only a bit.
Having eaten a hearty breakfast as I left I then didn't snack, so half way round had to stuff down a banana and drink my water quickly. That was fine but then the little un decided he was hungry and grouchy and didn't want to be in his pushchair any more, not matter how fast the scenery was whizzing by. (Not that fast as it happens, I'm really not the fastest runner out there by any means.) So we walked for a little while, and then had to walk again at the end. So we ended with a little walk across the finish line, me holding the babe as we went under the barrier.
Afterwards there was time to picnic and savour our success. And our rewards - a top goodie bag was given out to all runners with loads of goodies in it, perfect for some snacks on the way home.
So first step done. Next step - well some more training I guess as the half marathon is drawing ever nearer...
First Secret Post Club...
What a wonderful month it has been for post!First I am kicking off my jewellery making by getting in some new supplies and making a whole new range to launch asap. This has meant many happy hours scouring eBay for bits and bobs, finding new craft shops nearby and generally getting back into a more creative state of mind. Most days something is arriving, from small packs of beads or buttons to squishy jiffy bags full of thread.
And then in the midst of it all I got my first parcel from the Secret Post Club. A lovely goodie (jiffy) bag full of delights. I'm so pleased with it, a good book to curl up with and a little notebook to put down all my best lists/thoughts/etc.
Thursday, 1 July 2010
Bliss Buggy Push - one step closer to Windsor...
The challenge is set - well that's not true really. I'm running 5km on July 17th for Bliss at their Buggy Push in Kensington Gardens. But alas I only wish that were the challenge.
My friend Helen has signed us up for the Windsor Half Marathon at the end of September. Between us we are carrying a knee injury (her) and a post-natal out of shape woman (me) but Helen feels that she and half marathons have unfinished business.
It all started two summers ago when Helen decided that she wanted me to 'teach her how to run'. I resisted the temptation to tell her - put on your trainers and get out there - but she clearly thought I had a secret formula, so we started to go running.
My friend Helen has signed us up for the Windsor Half Marathon at the end of September. Between us we are carrying a knee injury (her) and a post-natal out of shape woman (me) but Helen feels that she and half marathons have unfinished business.
It all started two summers ago when Helen decided that she wanted me to 'teach her how to run'. I resisted the temptation to tell her - put on your trainers and get out there - but she clearly thought I had a secret formula, so we started to go running.
This whole situation was my own doing. I drummed into her from the start that a 10km run was easily achieveable and by the end of the summer we should do one of the Run10k series for Cancer Research UK.
But it all backfired. Helen swiftly realised that 10km was easily achieveable, so really why stop there. Let's do something really crazy and do a half marathon! So at the end of March last year we ran the Reading Half Marathon together and Helen bust her knee. It was also the last exercise I did before I became pregnant (literally, I must have conceived while I was having a break after the run and from that moment on was far too tired to run anywhere!).
So now we are both back in the game and Helen is determined that Windsor will be our true glory run, everything that Reading couldn't be as after 8 miles she was limping. I would like to point out that even so we made it round in 2 hours and 18 mins, so I keep telling her she really has nothing to prove. But she won't listen...
So anyway that gets us back to where we started - the Bliss Buggy Push. Me, and a team of other Buggy Fit Mums throw ourselves around their 5km course for a great cause. And for me the first race in my steps towards the Windsor Half Marathon.
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