It is tough enough at the best of times to decide what you want to do in life. Whilst it is true that trying make decisions about your life at 16 when you are choosing A level subjects is hard, I'm not sure it really gets any easier the older that you get. These days I feel like there are so many things that I could be doing, and so many cool jobs around that trying to think about sensible things like career progression is tying myself down to only one option.
Looking at work through the lens of motherhood makes things even stranger. I don't think I could love my new job as a Mum much more, and I know that I am very lucky to feel that way about it. But it does also cast a shadow on my work life up to now and where that might go next.
Unhelpfully I seem to be surrounded by people (note: mainly childless people) referring to my maternity leave as a 'holiday'. My best friend calls it my 'baby holiday' and is constantly moaning that I'm off doing baby yoga, coffee mornings, nursery drop ins and afternoons in the park while she is at her desk. I've tried to gently explain that yes, it is fun doing all these things, but my new job has very crazy hours (24/7) compared to my last and there are a lot more baby sick/nappy/washing/random screaming incidents involved than any other job I've ever done. But for overall job satisfaction, motherhood gives me more than anything else ever has.
And so now I look at my job and wonder, do I want to go back? On the most basic level the idea of doing something so structured, 9-5, meetings, overtime, spreadsheets, more meetings, just seems a million miles away from how things are now. I imagine motherhood on those terms - turning up at my 'desk'/the cot at a certain time each morning, meetings to discuss just how much dribble one child can get all over their clothes, overtime needed in order to make a few more quick meals to freeze ahead - and it makes me laugh.
In addition to all of this there is an extra element which I realise is totally personal to me when thinking about what I want to do - I don't really like the job that I would go back to. I'm passionate about what I do, I work hard at it and it makes me proud to be part of the team that I work with, but deep down it doesn't suit me. I wish that it did, but in reality having some distance from it could be just the push I need in a different direction.
And so my thoughts turn to what direction that might be. Again I am filled with excitement at all the options out there, all the things I've thought about trying, all the jobs that I come into contact with every day I think 'I could do that', 'I'd love to do that', 'What a cool job' and my mind starts whirring with plans, thoughts, ideas.
But this time I know that it needs to be worth it. And I know that I might decide that no job is worth it. Time that I invest in work is time that I invest away from my child and I'm acutely aware that I no longer want to fritter my work life away, wasting time I could be spending at my new job, watching my little one grow up a little more everyday. But at the same time I want him to look at me and his Dad and see that we do good jobs, that we work hard, that we love what we do, and I feel a responsibility to set an example in a way that I never did before.
I keep coming back to the fact that I would like to do something creative, crafty, a little cottage industry that I could fit in around motherhood. I don't hanker for the office, for a space outside my home where I don't have to be a Mum, but I do want to have a little space for myself and something to call my own.
Saturday, 31 July 2010
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Bliss Buggy Push 5km - done!
And so I've survived my first 5km since the babe arrived.
It was a lovely day out with the Buggyfit girls - we came, we saw, we conquered. We were also the only eight people running out of around 50 so arguably we also stuck out like sore thumbs! But it was fun to be out and about and all for a good cause.
Alas I did not put in my best performance. My usual trick for events such as these of turning up with plenty of time, paying no attention to the ever increasing sunshine, add in the fact I was paying no attention to my child and once we got off on the course it all went a bit wrong. But only a bit.
Having eaten a hearty breakfast as I left I then didn't snack, so half way round had to stuff down a banana and drink my water quickly. That was fine but then the little un decided he was hungry and grouchy and didn't want to be in his pushchair any more, not matter how fast the scenery was whizzing by. (Not that fast as it happens, I'm really not the fastest runner out there by any means.) So we walked for a little while, and then had to walk again at the end. So we ended with a little walk across the finish line, me holding the babe as we went under the barrier.
Afterwards there was time to picnic and savour our success. And our rewards - a top goodie bag was given out to all runners with loads of goodies in it, perfect for some snacks on the way home.
So first step done. Next step - well some more training I guess as the half marathon is drawing ever nearer...
It was a lovely day out with the Buggyfit girls - we came, we saw, we conquered. We were also the only eight people running out of around 50 so arguably we also stuck out like sore thumbs! But it was fun to be out and about and all for a good cause.
Alas I did not put in my best performance. My usual trick for events such as these of turning up with plenty of time, paying no attention to the ever increasing sunshine, add in the fact I was paying no attention to my child and once we got off on the course it all went a bit wrong. But only a bit.
Having eaten a hearty breakfast as I left I then didn't snack, so half way round had to stuff down a banana and drink my water quickly. That was fine but then the little un decided he was hungry and grouchy and didn't want to be in his pushchair any more, not matter how fast the scenery was whizzing by. (Not that fast as it happens, I'm really not the fastest runner out there by any means.) So we walked for a little while, and then had to walk again at the end. So we ended with a little walk across the finish line, me holding the babe as we went under the barrier.
Afterwards there was time to picnic and savour our success. And our rewards - a top goodie bag was given out to all runners with loads of goodies in it, perfect for some snacks on the way home.
So first step done. Next step - well some more training I guess as the half marathon is drawing ever nearer...
First Secret Post Club...
What a wonderful month it has been for post!First I am kicking off my jewellery making by getting in some new supplies and making a whole new range to launch asap. This has meant many happy hours scouring eBay for bits and bobs, finding new craft shops nearby and generally getting back into a more creative state of mind. Most days something is arriving, from small packs of beads or buttons to squishy jiffy bags full of thread.
And then in the midst of it all I got my first parcel from the Secret Post Club. A lovely goodie (jiffy) bag full of delights. I'm so pleased with it, a good book to curl up with and a little notebook to put down all my best lists/thoughts/etc.
Thursday, 1 July 2010
Bliss Buggy Push - one step closer to Windsor...
The challenge is set - well that's not true really. I'm running 5km on July 17th for Bliss at their Buggy Push in Kensington Gardens. But alas I only wish that were the challenge.
My friend Helen has signed us up for the Windsor Half Marathon at the end of September. Between us we are carrying a knee injury (her) and a post-natal out of shape woman (me) but Helen feels that she and half marathons have unfinished business.
It all started two summers ago when Helen decided that she wanted me to 'teach her how to run'. I resisted the temptation to tell her - put on your trainers and get out there - but she clearly thought I had a secret formula, so we started to go running.
My friend Helen has signed us up for the Windsor Half Marathon at the end of September. Between us we are carrying a knee injury (her) and a post-natal out of shape woman (me) but Helen feels that she and half marathons have unfinished business.
It all started two summers ago when Helen decided that she wanted me to 'teach her how to run'. I resisted the temptation to tell her - put on your trainers and get out there - but she clearly thought I had a secret formula, so we started to go running.
This whole situation was my own doing. I drummed into her from the start that a 10km run was easily achieveable and by the end of the summer we should do one of the Run10k series for Cancer Research UK.
But it all backfired. Helen swiftly realised that 10km was easily achieveable, so really why stop there. Let's do something really crazy and do a half marathon! So at the end of March last year we ran the Reading Half Marathon together and Helen bust her knee. It was also the last exercise I did before I became pregnant (literally, I must have conceived while I was having a break after the run and from that moment on was far too tired to run anywhere!).
So now we are both back in the game and Helen is determined that Windsor will be our true glory run, everything that Reading couldn't be as after 8 miles she was limping. I would like to point out that even so we made it round in 2 hours and 18 mins, so I keep telling her she really has nothing to prove. But she won't listen...
So anyway that gets us back to where we started - the Bliss Buggy Push. Me, and a team of other Buggy Fit Mums throw ourselves around their 5km course for a great cause. And for me the first race in my steps towards the Windsor Half Marathon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
